I have been down lately for all the right reasons, and I have to say the misery is not over yet.
I even thought about giving up on my blog as I felt empty and did not want to transmit the negative energy that had been building up in me for looking at all the evil and senseless events taking place in the company I work for; insane layoffs, unfair criteria in deciding who stays and who goes, with the sole purpose of making the company the right size (to be able to sell it of course), but by sparing all the political appointees (from all the governing parties in the last decade) as well as other dead weight. I know I should feel happy or at least relieved that the management decided to spare me, at least for now, however having witnessed all the intrigues, lies, fights, and slander among my nearest co-workers I felt sicker with each coming day. These past few months have taught me that fear can make people evil, selfish and conniving and that it will take a superhuman power to stay working there and not get affected, as the rumour has it there will be two more circles of firing, and the possibilities on the job market are close to zero.
Anyway, today WordPress kindly reminded me that a year had passed since I had joined the site and made me realise that I should not give up on this place that has always treated me with kindness.
For this occasion I chose a picture of Ponte Rotto (broken bridge) in Rome with some cormorants waiting for their catch…. They should teach me something…. the bridge may be broken, the banks littered with rubbish, but there are still fish in the river.
Thank you for reading, listening and watching.
Love,
Paula
Do not stop blogging please. It is a space where you can really find support – at least I have. And reading other people’s posts makes one feel not so alone. I hope you feel mentally better soon.
I appreciate your kind words, Colline. It is comforting to read you.
I have found that even if I am unable to write, I can take pleasure in what other people share. Sometimes looking at beautiful photos and reading things that make you smile, is all you need to help lift the spirits.
You are right, dear. I also have a habit of not focusing on myself but on the outside world when it gets tough, but the past week I broke cause I became aware that I am actually sharing my office with two meanest b*ches in the 2,500 people company, and they did not do anything to me, but to other people and it just broke me. Sorry for my continuous rambling, there are still some remnants wanting to get out. I will give you a proper visit when I find a moment of peace.
That is the hardest thing to look past. I wish you all strength when working with these people everyday.
#.paula
Back on the horse my girl – focus on that you are “stronger” than those witches – their attitudes are rooted in their own sense of inferiority – believe me, I know all about that kind of assholes in large hierarchies (I’ve even be the vice leader of such a system) – “small” people is there room for anywhere because they take up so little space when the air drops out of them…
Ignore them as much as the extent makes possible (they will hate it ‘hahaha’) – focus on that you are not part of the problem but “only” affected by it… “big hugs”
Spoken from the experience of an ex vice leader of an asshole hierarchy
. Your words to me are much appreciated and taken to long-term memory. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Big, big hugs to you my friend. xo
I’ll second Colline’s request. It saddens me to hear of all you are going through right now. I wish the best for you and hope that when things settle down you’ll be happier and stronger for it. But please, continue on for us, your loyal followers.
Just remember, when you’re feeling like giving it up, there are those of us that will miss you!
*hugs*
I am so glad you are staying! I know from experience, writing on my blog has helped me through some rough times and knowing that others are there has helped too. We’ve all been there. (hugs)
Big, big hugs to you Moni
. You are a friend! xo
Paula, I am so sorry to hear the situation is not getting any better in spite of keeping your job but really, given the circumstances and unjust practices you speak of, you need to keep in touch with the outside world. I shall only worry more about if you were to lapse into silence. Which means they have conquered. We are here for you!
You are right, honey. They should not win
. Thank you girl!!!
As someone once famously said “don’t let the bastards get you down.”
And I meant to say what a great photo, so much more than the wonderful view that it indeed is!
BTW, are you on Twitter?
I have an account there, though I don’t know how to tweet
. Are you? It would be nice to see you there too, Patti …
@xpat_here
See you there!
My goodness, you’ve certainly been through it. Wouldn’t it be nice, when we face hardships, if we would pull together and support each other, rather than slander even our friends just for a chance to keep a position? It seems like you are not the slanderous type, neither am I, but I’ve seen this story that you’ve described here so many times… it seems slander, backbiting and gossip must just be instinct for many people.
Hang in there; keep posting your awesome work. Your followers are not just words on a screen. We are fans who follow your work to learn from your talent. Thanks for doing what you do.
This means a lot, really does, You guessed right .. I am not the slanderous type… Thank you for your words, Dinkerson.
Keeping in touch with the outside world – and engaging your mind with ‘normal’ and pleasant activities like taking photographs, writing little stories or vignettes – those are the weapons you can use against the venal world that seems to be engulfing you right now. Please don’t let go of your place in the blogosphere!
Thank you for reminding me. I wish I could have met you in person TWG
we have saying in my Hindi: yeh bhi chala jayega. that means ‘even this will go’……
This is a good saying, Mayur
I use proverbs a lot in my daily thinking. This one corresponds to English “this too shall pass…” Thank you!
Looks like you’re shooting HDR now. I can’t wait to see what you can do with those mountains.
Hi Allan, this one is not an HDR. I will post my only HDR pic of mountains some day
This one was post-processed in lightroom and I used some filter plug-ins too 
I appreciate your visit and taking time to give me your opinion which always matters a great deal to me. Wish you a nice and productive week!
Paula, I am sorry to hear you’ve had a difficult time at work. Hang in there, it will get better.
You are right Patricia. Big hug for your support!
I’m with Allan: Some HDR mountains would have been awesome.
Also: Don’t give up on your blog. We like your photos and writings. Stay strong!
I do have one unpublished HDR photo of mountains
, and it is the only HDR image in my collection. This one is not 
. Thank you CG. I’ll remember your words. Kyss
Forza, Paula! Vedi come tutti ti ammiriamo e ti vogliamo bene?
Stay with us!
TVB anch’io.
I’m sad you’re having a rough time, and the story sounds pretty familiar.
I think the important thing in bad times is to be compassionate to yourself and to take time to listen to your feelings: fear of losing your job, disgust at what’s going on there, the need to be in a safe and positive environment etc.
I hope things go better for you!
Yes, the sad thing is that the story sounds familiar and that all of us have seen it at one point. Delft, your words are really helping. Thank you.
Just as you reflect, the choice we have is whether we get sucked into the despair and darkness of others, or whether who chose instead to focus on the river, which will always bring fresh fish
where we chose to rest our focus is powerful in deciding how we will experience the day. So I guess the answer is ‘you’re gonna save your own soul’ !
You have done it! You really made me feel better with your reasoning. Thank you dear greenmackenzie.
I’m glad you’re sticking with your blog, Paula. In times of “low”, I’ve found it hard to write in my blog, many a time I’ve had the same thought as you. The community here at WP is great, as you know, and as we both know; brighter times will come, one way or the other … even if that sounds like a cliché right now.
About what fear can do to people; what you say is all true … and even worse. When people have fear as a driving force, I think that brings out the worst in them.
Hang in there! Hugs
Thank you Rebe for giving me your vote of support and for reminding me of what we do not see when we are down…. I thought about keeping this all inside and not spreading it out in my blog, but I really feel better for doing it. Warm hugs back, P.xo
Keep your mind in that hell…but despair not.
Always is a way for us to survive all bad things/people.
Very mature and encouraging words. Thank you Cornel. I like your new pic, but I miss seeing your face
Promise to put another pic of yourself some time soon
I need a photographer
)))))
You have a great one in yourself and I am sure you know how to operate the timer on your camera
Proszę…
Nie rezygnuj.
Życzę wszystkiego dobrego!
Dziękuję, że mogę tu być.
Dziękuję Rena
Do your work to the best of your ability, then go home at the end of the day and focus on positive things. Do not let them get you down.
Angeline, thank you.. When one gets stuck in depressing thoughts and is on the path of being beaten, words like yours do the trick. I appreciate it, dear. My best to you.
Love you, Paula. Came looking for you as my WP is not always efficient (ha! ha! blame the tools) and am happy to see that so many have beaten me to to it. Meredith is the living example of losing yourself in blogging. She posted so much stuff while she was worrying about the dogs and the move.
I know it’s different for you, and I’m pretty good at letting negative energy get me down, but please don’t go.
I remember reading this heartfelt comment Jo, and was sure I replied you, but the “tools” must have left me down. Bless you .)
Just keep plugging along. I enjoyed reading your lament and hope things will pick up for you. I could say, it is the journey that matters, but…you would know that already.
Hello my first time visitor
. Yes, you are right to call it a lament, and I think it is better to let the pain and screaming out, than to keep it bottled inside where it can do much more harm 
. Thank you for taking the time and interest and for leaving your words of encouragement. Best wishes to you, Gerard!
A while ago I went through the same thing. The wise among me said that the first to go were the lucky ones. By the time they were back on their feet, the rest of us would still twitch with nerves every last Friday of the month when layoffs took place. Half way through the process, I became the guy that had to decide who went and who didn’t. I played that role for a while and sadly, even got used to it. Until one day I woke up and couldn’t face another layoff and quit.
Organizations going through this process are quite literally sick and it is not surprising you are down. The thing to keep in mind is that whether you hang on until the end or not, either way the situation will improve. We live to tell the tale and it is a tale of life. Don’t stop telling the tale.
I am so glad I’ve decided to write this post. It made possible for me to meet people like you. Welcome to my world
. Together we’ll make it a better place….
Forza e coraggio, Paula!
Grazie per leggermi Alessandro. Un abbriaccio stretto.
wow !! wonderful Shot
This blog is your little private corner that you can escape to from all that meanness Paula. I agree that surrendering this space would mean letting the bullies win. Take care and stay strong
You are right, Madhu, and I am thankful for your coming here and lending your compassionate ear. Take care, dear.
You’re right, if you give up, they win. Stick to the right thing you need to do for yourself. Believe me, I’ve been there done that… to say the least. Take care, Paula. {{{Hug}}}
Amy, I am sorry you have lived through the same kind of *hit. Hugs to you my dear.
It wasn’t a layoff situation… Having gone through something like this, in hindsight, it made me a little stronger and wiser; and I don’t ever want to take kindness and graciousness for granted. So that may be a positive side.
Hope everything will go well very soon for you, dear Paula. {{{Hug}}} to you.
Thank you, Amy.
I couldn’t agree more on the fact that fear brings the evil in people. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through right now Paula but I really hope you keep up your good spirit… as much as you say the possibilities in the job market is close to zero, its still not zero
so I hope you get a break at a happier place. Good people like you deserve it 
Take care
This has warmed my heart
THANK YOU, Bashar.
Leaving “work” at work and having your space is very important for your sanity. It’s a difficult practice but you will save the most loved person in the world you know; yourself. great photo!
Thank you so much, Eddie. I am leaving the office in a few minutes and will leave it all here except for the paycheck
. I am grateful for your enligthening comment 
Prayers and Warmest Best Wishes to you, Paula!
Remember when feeling blue, we’re always right here for you!
Precious, beautiful photo, dear!
Thank you, dear Annie. Warm hugs to you.
I’m so sad to hear what a tough time you’ve been having, Paula. Sending you warm hugs and best wishes for better times ahead. Love your beautiful photo and music too. xx
I appreciate this Sylvia. I am sorry for not being around much, but you understand now. I hope to visit you soon in better spirits. Hugs to you my dear.
three phases come: 1. in first one we feel very sad about our present condition.(lonelyness)
2. we feel frustrated and irritated. possessed with anger(revenge sort of)
3. in this phase we feel sorry for all of them who are afraid of whatever.(joy)
these phases come one by one in the form of epochs in our behavior. sadness, stress is the solution of nothing. but you are recovered because i felt that you meant it when you said that there is still fish in the river……………tc
I really appreciate this Balraj
The problem is the things are far from over yet …. the situation is ongoing and I wonder what phases will follow, stress for sure is still here.
i just hope that you find some power, some precious truth so that you can skip phase 2……just concentrate on fish
Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Balraj.
I love the picture you chose, and your closing too, Paula. I’m so sorry you’ve been down, and hope you hang in there.
I appreciate this, Naomi. I have no other choice but to keep hanging in
be encouraged to stay in your truth
what is really important is inside you ! many blessings to you …
Yes, I have always been Don Quijote … the situation at work is less than pleasant and hardly bearable, but I need to make my living. Your words are a great comfort. Thank you.
Autre chose, si tu aimes la musique… tous mes posts ont de la musique ci-joint
Yikes! I hope you’re feeling better now, Paula!!! I find my blog is a great place to turn to when the rest of the world sucks. It’s my happy place. Please don’t give up on your blog.
Thank you Stephen
It has been a really tough period on several levels, but it is all over now.. I just need to dust off and rise 
. You are right… blog is our happy place 