Who’s Gonna Save My Soul?

I have been down lately for all the right reasons, and I have to say the misery is not over yet.

I even thought about giving up on my blog as I felt empty and did not want to transmit the negative energy that had been building up in me for looking at all the evil and senseless events taking place in the company I work for; insane layoffs, unfair criteria in deciding who stays and who goes, with the sole purpose of making the company the right size (to be able to sell it of course), but by sparing all the political appointees (from all the governing parties in the last decade) as well as other dead weight. I know I should feel happy or at least relieved that the management decided to spare me, at least for now, however having witnessed all the intrigues, lies, fights, and slander among my nearest co-workers I felt sicker with each coming day. These past few months have taught me that fear can make people evil, selfish and conniving and that it will take a superhuman power to stay working there and not get affected, as the rumour has it there will be two more circles of firing, and the possibilities on the job market are close to zero.

Anyway, today WordPress kindly reminded me that a year had passed since I had joined the site and made me realise that I should not give up on this place that has always treated me with kindness.

For this occasion I chose a picture of Ponte RottoΒ (broken bridge) in Rome with some cormorants waiting for their catch…. Β They should teach me something…. the bridge may be broken, the banks littered with rubbish, but there are still fish in the river.

Thank you for reading, listening and watching.

Love,

Paula

 

uccelli_ponterotto-1

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99 thoughts on “Who’s Gonna Save My Soul?

  1. Do not stop blogging please. It is a space where you can really find support – at least I have. And reading other people’s posts makes one feel not so alone. I hope you feel mentally better soon.

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      • I have found that even if I am unable to write, I can take pleasure in what other people share. Sometimes looking at beautiful photos and reading things that make you smile, is all you need to help lift the spirits.

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        • You are right, dear. I also have a habit of not focusing on myself but on the outside world when it gets tough, but the past week I broke cause I became aware that I am actually sharing my office with two meanest b*ches in the 2,500 people company, and they did not do anything to me, but to other people and it just broke me. Sorry for my continuous rambling, there are still some remnants wanting to get out. I will give you a proper visit when I find a moment of peace.

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          • #.paula
            Back on the horse my girl – focus on that you are “stronger” than those witches – their attitudes are rooted in their own sense of inferiority – believe me, I know all about that kind of assholes in large hierarchies (I’ve even be the vice leader of such a system) – “small” people is there room for anywhere because they take up so little space when the air drops out of them… πŸ™‚

            Ignore them as much as the extent makes possible (they will hate it ‘hahaha’) – focus on that you are not part of the problem but “only” affected by it… “big hugs”

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            • Spoken from the experience of an ex vice leader of an asshole hierarchy :D. Your words to me are much appreciated and taken to long-term memory. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Big, big hugs to you my friend. xo

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  2. I’ll second Colline’s request. It saddens me to hear of all you are going through right now. I wish the best for you and hope that when things settle down you’ll be happier and stronger for it. But please, continue on for us, your loyal followers.

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  3. I am so glad you are staying! I know from experience, writing on my blog has helped me through some rough times and knowing that others are there has helped too. We’ve all been there. (hugs)

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  4. Paula, I am so sorry to hear the situation is not getting any better in spite of keeping your job but really, given the circumstances and unjust practices you speak of, you need to keep in touch with the outside world. I shall only worry more about if you were to lapse into silence. Which means they have conquered. We are here for you!

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  5. My goodness, you’ve certainly been through it. Wouldn’t it be nice, when we face hardships, if we would pull together and support each other, rather than slander even our friends just for a chance to keep a position? It seems like you are not the slanderous type, neither am I, but I’ve seen this story that you’ve described here so many times… it seems slander, backbiting and gossip must just be instinct for many people.
    Hang in there; keep posting your awesome work. Your followers are not just words on a screen. We are fans who follow your work to learn from your talent. Thanks for doing what you do.

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  6. Keeping in touch with the outside world – and engaging your mind with ‘normal’ and pleasant activities like taking photographs, writing little stories or vignettes – those are the weapons you can use against the venal world that seems to be engulfing you right now. Please don’t let go of your place in the blogosphere! πŸ™‚

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    • Hi Allan, this one is not an HDR. I will post my only HDR pic of mountains some day πŸ™‚ This one was post-processed in lightroom and I used some filter plug-ins too πŸ™‚ I appreciate your visit and taking time to give me your opinion which always matters a great deal to me. Wish you a nice and productive week!

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    • I do have one unpublished HDR photo of mountains :), and it is the only HDR image in my collection. This one is not :). Thank you CG. I’ll remember your words. Kyss

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  7. I’m sad you’re having a rough time, and the story sounds pretty familiar.
    I think the important thing in bad times is to be compassionate to yourself and to take time to listen to your feelings: fear of losing your job, disgust at what’s going on there, the need to be in a safe and positive environment etc.
    I hope things go better for you!

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  8. Just as you reflect, the choice we have is whether we get sucked into the despair and darkness of others, or whether who chose instead to focus on the river, which will always bring fresh fish πŸ™‚ where we chose to rest our focus is powerful in deciding how we will experience the day. So I guess the answer is ‘you’re gonna save your own soul’ !

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  9. I’m glad you’re sticking with your blog, Paula. In times of “low”, I’ve found it hard to write in my blog, many a time I’ve had the same thought as you. The community here at WP is great, as you know, and as we both know; brighter times will come, one way or the other … even if that sounds like a clichΓ© right now.

    About what fear can do to people; what you say is all true … and even worse. When people have fear as a driving force, I think that brings out the worst in them.

    Hang in there! Hugs

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    • Thank you Rebe for giving me your vote of support and for reminding me of what we do not see when we are down…. I thought about keeping this all inside and not spreading it out in my blog, but I really feel better for doing it. Warm hugs back, P.xo

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    • Angeline, thank you.. When one gets stuck in depressing thoughts and is on the path of being beaten, words like yours do the trick. I appreciate it, dear. My best to you.

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  10. Love you, Paula. Came looking for you as my WP is not always efficient (ha! ha! blame the tools) and am happy to see that so many have beaten me to to it. Meredith is the living example of losing yourself in blogging. She posted so much stuff while she was worrying about the dogs and the move.
    I know it’s different for you, and I’m pretty good at letting negative energy get me down, but please don’t go.

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    • Hello my first time visitor :). Yes, you are right to call it a lament, and I think it is better to let the pain and screaming out, than to keep it bottled inside where it can do much more harm ;). Thank you for taking the time and interest and for leaving your words of encouragement. Best wishes to you, Gerard!

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  11. A while ago I went through the same thing. The wise among me said that the first to go were the lucky ones. By the time they were back on their feet, the rest of us would still twitch with nerves every last Friday of the month when layoffs took place. Half way through the process, I became the guy that had to decide who went and who didn’t. I played that role for a while and sadly, even got used to it. Until one day I woke up and couldn’t face another layoff and quit.

    Organizations going through this process are quite literally sick and it is not surprising you are down. The thing to keep in mind is that whether you hang on until the end or not, either way the situation will improve. We live to tell the tale and it is a tale of life. Don’t stop telling the tale.

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    • I am so glad I’ve decided to write this post. It made possible for me to meet people like you. Welcome to my world :). Together we’ll make it a better place….

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  12. This blog is your little private corner that you can escape to from all that meanness Paula. I agree that surrendering this space would mean letting the bullies win. Take care and stay strong πŸ™‚

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  13. You’re right, if you give up, they win. Stick to the right thing you need to do for yourself. Believe me, I’ve been there done that… to say the least. Take care, Paula. {{{Hug}}}

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  14. I couldn’t agree more on the fact that fear brings the evil in people. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through right now Paula but I really hope you keep up your good spirit… as much as you say the possibilities in the job market is close to zero, its still not zero πŸ™‚ so I hope you get a break at a happier place. Good people like you deserve it πŸ™‚ Take care

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  15. Leaving “work” at work and having your space is very important for your sanity. It’s a difficult practice but you will save the most loved person in the world you know; yourself. great photo!

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    • Thank you so much, Eddie. I am leaving the office in a few minutes and will leave it all here except for the paycheck ;). I am grateful for your enligthening comment πŸ™‚

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  16. three phases come: 1. in first one we feel very sad about our present condition.(lonelyness)
    2. we feel frustrated and irritated. possessed with anger(revenge sort of)
    3. in this phase we feel sorry for all of them who are afraid of whatever.(joy)
    these phases come one by one in the form of epochs in our behavior. sadness, stress is the solution of nothing. but you are recovered because i felt that you meant it when you said that there is still fish in the river……………tc

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    • Thank you Stephen πŸ™‚ It has been a really tough period on several levels, but it is all over now.. I just need to dust off and rise ;). You are right… blog is our happy place πŸ™‚

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